


Secrets That We Keep

by eeyore9990, unbroken_halo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Horror, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-05
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-18 00:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/555001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeyore9990/pseuds/eeyore9990, https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbroken_halo/pseuds/unbroken_halo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's not lying if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own." (Queer as Folk)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets That We Keep

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the first R/S Games in 2008 for Team Post Hogwarts. Thanks to katheryn_the _great and the Team Community for the beta.

Remus stepped through the thick underbrush, his lit wand held high overhead as he steered himself toward the clearing where the rest of the pack would be waiting. He twisted his head from side to side, the popping in his neck telling of how tense the coming meeting had made him.

Nightmares nearly every night for a month would do that to a man.

He was about to come face to face with his own personal demon. Fenrir Greyback. A shudder overtook him and he could hear his own breathing becoming ragged—the sound prey made when he was on the hunt.

Stopping for a moment, he willed himself to calm. "Nox." The deepest part of night swelled in to extinguish the light he'd been using to see by. A general cleaning and drying spell took care of the sweat that had soaked through his clothing; a few deep breathing exercises took care of the increased heart rate and panic.

He closed his eyes, ignoring the dark night pressing in on him and the time growing short to the appointed meeting time. Pulling up the image of Sirius as he'd looked this morning in his mind's eyes, Remus felt his resolve strengthen.

A howl split the silence and Remus set his jaw, starting forward again. The moon—hidden behind England's ever-present cloud cover—provided enough light that he didn't need to light his wand again.

He'd be able to approach the pack without detection, if he did it right. A Muffling Charm on his shoes took care of the biggest obstacle; watching closely for dry twigs, the other.

A glow in the sky ahead of him let him know the ceremonial fire had been lit. Stepping carefully to the edge of the light, he slid into the shadows of a tree and concentrated on the assembled men filling the circle.

Five of them. Remus felt a thrill of fear as he realised he was the last one to the meeting. He didn't like to draw undue attention to himself as Greyback's temper was dubious as best.

Hurrying forward without giving the impression of actually hurrying, Remus stepped into the circle and slipped into a spot on the far side, huddling with his arms around his torso, casting nervous glances at the sky.

The moon was hiding tonight, but he knew it would burst forth soon enough to overwhelm them all.

"Lupin!" The bark of sound was barely recognisable as human, and it caused Remus to stiffen, his pulse racing for a moment before he was able to concentrate enough to slow it to a natural rhythm.

"Greyback," he replied, his voice low and soft, not submissive or challenging, just _there_.

"You're _late_ ," Greyback growled, the pronouncement a warning. Striding forward, he stood over Remus for a long moment, their eyes locked in contact. 

Remus knew not to provoke Greyback with any challenging displays, but cowering away would serve to draw unwelcome attention from the other wolves in the pack, the ones seeking only to dominate those around them before going against Greyback for leader of the pack.

Remus had no designs on Greyback's position; it was a truth that had kept him safe and mostly whole for the last year that he'd been in this pack.

However, it appeared that Greyback was willing to test his loyalty tonight, if the fist connecting with the side of Remus' head was anything to judge by.

Remus fell to his side, ears ringing and rage rising to press close to the surface. Too strong-willed to give into the beast, Remus forced the wrath of his wolf down and slowly stood, raising his face to Fenrir's once more.

"I _was_ late," he acknowledged quietly.

Greyback grunted, teeth bared for a moment before he turned away from Remus, satisfied.

"The wizards," Greyback said, raising his voice to address the small, restless group, "with their little sticks, think they are superior to us. They think they have the right to tell us, those who can crush them with one bite from our jaws, where to go, how to live, whether or not we can work. They think they can continue to control us without consequences." 

Looking around the circle, Fenrir made eye contact with each of the not yet transformed werewolves; each of them eventually broke that contact first, though there was one or two that seemed to do so defiantly. Remus held his breath each time as he wondered if there would be a battle for leader tonight.

He'd seen two such battles in the last year; each time, the loser had lain dead at the feet of Greyback, their bodies pulled limb from limb, entrails scattered about—and always, without fail, left for the rats. Challenge losers were scorned by werewolves, even as a meal.

"The time has come for us to show the wizards that we will not be controlled. Not by them. Tonight we strike back. We take their children. We take their women. We take them. Tonight!" Greyback screamed to the sky, his face rising to the sky. His voice turned from a human scream to an animal howl as the moon parted the clouds and caused his throat to change, elongating and thickening as he dropped to all fours.

The weak rays of light touched on all the werewolves, somehow reaching Remus last. He watched it approach him, fear rising as the monster within began to rejoice.

~*~

_Hot breath on his neck, and he screams out loud. Running through the night, the stars that once looked so bright against the dark sky blur as he dodges the bushes and trees. Turning, he looks back only to see the horror is still after him. His small feet try to out run the snarling and snapping teeth, but they catch his shirt and he falls to the ground. The monster's weight crushes him and he struggles against the beast as it rips the cloth. His screams ring out again, tears stream down his face as the full moon dims…_

Screams rang out in the night, jolting Sirius out of a deep sleep whose dreams fragmented upon waking. Flailing limbs smacked against him and he finally had to throw the sheets over his bed partner to avoid getting a fist to the eye. He followed the sheet with his body, weighing down the struggling man. Even as foggy as he was from sleep, he was able to focus enough to realise that Remus was caught inside his nightmare still. Bringing his hands up, he cupped his lover's thin, scarred face and patted gently.

"Moony!" 

Panting and still struggling, Remus bucked against the weight holding him down, once more trying to escape. "No!" He reached out, clawing at soft flesh, anything to get away.

Sirius hissed, arching away from the fingers digging into him. 

"Moony!" he shouted, slapping Remus a bit harder now. "Remus! Come on, Moony... wake up. I don't want to hurt you, love." 

He ducked as Remus' hands came up, aiming unerringly for his eyes. Burrowing into Remus' throat, he clenched his jaw and waited out the frantic tremors that ran through the lean body under his. Turning his head, he kissed the length of neck, running his tongue up and down the tendon that stood out in stark relief as Remus bucked and writhed beneath him.

Remus froze as the open handed slap connected with his skin and he dimly heard his name. Warm, wetness slid up his neck- _up his neck?_ \- and he shuddered then moaned. He arched into the touch, reaching out to caress the _right_ person to have been in the bed with him. "S-Sirius..." He opened his eyes, sucking in a breath as he saw Sirius sitting astride him. "Gods..."

"Mmm? You're awake?" Sirius mumbled as he lapped at Remus' earlobe. "'S about time."

He pulled back then and looked down into Remus' glazed, blood-shot eyes, fighting down concern at the weariness greying Remus' complexion. Grinning rakishly, he quirked one eyebrow and rolled his hips, sliding his half-hard cock against Remus' groin. 

"Let's see just how _awake_ you really are," he whispered, lowering his head to bump his nose against Remus' chin, forcing it up so he could suck on his Adam's apple.

"I am." Chuckling and leaning his head to the side, Remus groaned at the pun. "Really now, that was just bad form, Sirius," he hissed out the esses and arched into Sirius' mouth, his hands sliding down to rest on Sirius' arse. He squeezed and pressed up against Sirius. "My apologies for waking you though," he murmured softly.

"Mmm, 's all right," Sirius mumbled. "I'll let you kiss all my boo-boos better. I'm pretty sure you bruised my manhood," he said with a chuckle, thrusting his hips a bit more firmly. "You can _definitely_ kiss that."

His laughter dissolving into a moan, Remus met Sirius' thrust, rubbing against him through the sheet. He frowned slightly and let go of Sirius' arse, tugging at the sheet between them. "Let's see it then, Padfoot. Nothing like a bruised _manhood_ to ruin one's day. I know the perfect remedy."

Sirius went perfectly still for a moment before rolling over, landing on his back against the pillows as he drew his feet up, bracing them against the mattress. Watching Remus through hooded eyes, he hungrily followed the path of the sheet as it slid away, revealing the lean body full of sharp angles and old wounds. The rings under his eyes gave Sirius pause, and he held his hand out, stilling Remus to say gruffly, "If you're too tired—"

An incredulous look was the only answer he received, but it was enough. Relaxing, he waggled his eyebrows as Remus moved between his wide-spread thighs. A fleeting kiss on the inside of his upraised knee made Sirius bark out a short laugh even as he rolled his hips. "That's not my manhood, mate."

Remus sighed, making certain to aim exhaled air across Sirius's prick. "Bloody hell, you talk too much." He closed his eyes, ran his nose down Sirius's thigh and inhaled the masculine scent of him before sliding his tongue across his sac. He gently kissed the soft, wrinkled skin, skipping his cock altogether and then moved across to Sirius' other leg. "My apology and I'll take my time if I wish."

Sirius pressed his head deep into the pillows, his thighs quivering with the need to push up, to press his groin into Remus' face, to hurry the too-patient man. His fingers curled into the mattress, itching to bury themselves in Remus' hair. With a growl, Sirius pushed up onto his elbows and said, "How would you like it if I tortured _you_ slowly?" A dark looked flashed across Remus' face, and Sirius bit back a curse at seeing it.

Sirius wiggled around until his back was resting against the headboard of the bed and beckoned Remus closer. From this angle, it was entirely too delicious, watching Remus crawl toward him, his cock dangling between his legs drawing Sirius' gaze.

When he was close enough to grab, Sirius did, pulling him forward and up until Remus was straddling his thighs.

"Love you, you giant berk," Sirius murmured before leaning forward and nipping gently at Remus' chin.

Remus groaned low in his throat and held on to Sirius's shoulders, pressing down on to Sirius' lap. He tilted his head back and canted his hips forward, rubbing himself over Sirius' prick. "You like it," he panted as Sirius's sharp teeth graced along his skin. "Admit it, and so do I."

He fisted his hands in Sirius's hair and tugged on the dark strands, tilting his head back then stared down at him for a long moment. "Love you too," he whispered then pressed their mouths together.

Sirius slid his hands slowly along Remus' thighs, up over the delightful curve of his arse, and then flattened his palms against Remus' lower back, using that hold for leverage as he attempted to roll his hips into the downward thrust of Remus'. 

This was perfection. Always. A lazy morning romp in bed, a slow slick-sliding of bodies and tongues and hands. 

The kiss deepened, though it did not lose any of its quietly teasing quality.

Remus moaned and rolled them, twisting his body under Sirius' and reaching down low to fist his cock. He stroked and stretched lazily as he felt Sirius mould himself to his back. He closed his eyes, languishing in the sensations of Sirius's hands, mouth, tongue and prick all sliding along his skin, chasing away his worst nightmare turned reality.

And really what better way was there than this? Remus shuddered as he felt Sirius' breath ghost along the back of his neck followed by the wet heat of his mouth.

Sirius slid his tongue along Remus' spine, feeling the knots and bumps under his tongue as he slid downward, ever downward, toward his reward.

Remus groaned and arched back into Sirius' tongue, leaning forward to accommodate Sirius. "Do continue, don't let me stop you."

Sirius bit Remus' lower spine, his teeth just grazing the flesh as there was no easy way to get a mouthful. "Shut it, old man."

Remus snorted then moaned as Sirius's teeth slid along his skin. "Old man? I do believe that someone is a wee bit longer in the tooth than I." He reached back and ran his hand along Sirius' leg, caressing him up his thigh toward his arse. "But what a fine vintage you happen to be."

~*~

Sirius stormed through Hogwarts, a sick anger roiling inside him. He would put a stop to this. He had to, for his own sanity as well as Remus'.

Stopping before the gargoyle that protected the entrance to the Headmaster's office, he looked up into its stone eyes and said, "I need to see him. Open for me."

The gargoyle stared back, lifeless and cold. Sirius cursed and kicked the base of the statue, biting back another curse when all that did was send pain shooting up his leg.

When Sirius turned away from the gargoyle, his intent to seek out one of the professors, he heard a low grinding sound and turned back to see the gargoyle sliding away. 

His impatience mounting at the slow movement of the gargoyle, and then the stone stairs, he ran up the moving staircase and pounded on the closed office door. It swung open under his fist, leaving him staring at the back of someone leaving via the Floo.

Just before the green flames swept him away, Sirius saw the pale, drawn features of Severus Snape. 

"Snivellus," he hissed, but the man was already gone.

"Ah, Sirius, so good to see you."

"Save it, old man," Sirius said, stalking across the room to stand in front of the Headmaster's desk. "I haven't come to listen to platitudes or gentle reproofs from you. I am here to put an end to these horrific games you're playing with Remus."

"It isn't a game, Sirius." The Headmaster's expression turned grave as he stroked a hand down his beard, though he remained sitting. "I cannot stress how very important Remus' activities are to the war effort—"

"Stop it," Sirius said angrily, leaning his fists on the Headmaster's desk. "Whatever scheme you've involved Remus in, stop it."

"Dear boy—"

"Don’t 'dear boy' me! You're killing him!"

The small, slightly condescending smile that lifted Dumbledore's lips was enough to make Sirius see red. 

"You think it's _funny_ , sir? You find it amusing that Remus wakes every morning from nightmares too horrible to speak of? You don't have to watch him fall apart. You don't have to listen to him when he speaks about what a monster he is. Make this stop!"

"I can't do that. I'm sorry, Sirius, but I simply cannot ask him to stop. It is far too important to the effort. I cannot place one man's sanity above the safety and security of the Wizarding world. I simply cannot."

"Then I am done. Find someone else."

The faded blue eyes widened behind the half-moon spectacles. "You… you refuse to aid the Potters? Whatever shall I tell James? He's expecting me to set the charms on Godric's Hollow this evening."

Sirius snarled at him, and then physically moved backward in a desperate attempt to refrain from lunging forward and strangling the manipulative old man. His shoulders sagged and sighed heavily. "I will aid James and Lily in whatever way I can," he whispered softly, not looking at Dumbledore. "They must be kept safe."

Dumbledore narrowed his eyes at Sirius, studying him for a long moment and stroking his fingers along his beard. He finally nodded and leaned back in his chair. "You do realize what this means, don't you, for both you and Remus. You are to have no contact with the Potters, no more visits to see young Harry. It is for the best that this happens quickly and quietly."

Sirius barely managed to restrain a triumphant smile. Dumbledore had never been able to stop the Marauders while here at Hogwarts; he certainly wouldn't be able to keep them apart now. 

And Sirius still had his mirrors. 

Schooling his features into lines of stoic resolve, Sirius looked up, nodded once and turned to leave.

"One more thing, Sirius," Dumbledore spoke up softly just before the man had a chance to leave. He looked over his glasses at Sirius. "I will need Remus to be at the appointed meeting place tomorrow night. Greyback is reported to make an appearance and I do expect a _full_ report from Remus at the Order meeting on Saturday. Are we clear on this?"

Sirius' hands curled into fists and his nostrils flared as he strove to bring himself and his anger under control. He knew if he opened his mouth, he would say something unconscionable, so he settled for one more, rather jerky nod of his head. Then he left before he could be moved to murder.

~*~

_He ran through the night, dodging trees and underbrush, his pace a gentle lope as he listened to the terrified breathing of his prey. High and sharp, her fear was thick on the air; his long tongue snaked out to taste it just as he heard the unmistakable sound of her tripping._

_Stupid child._

_He tossed back his head, a long, low howl splitting the silence of the forest. With deadly lust, he slowed to a stiff-legged stalk, lips pulled back away from razor sharp teeth as he watched her cry and scream and scramble back away from him, spindly arms and legs catching on roots and rocks._

_One huge paw in the middle of her chest pressed her back into the forest floor. Tilting his head curiously, he watched as her mouth opened and closed, the pressure on her chest too much for her to draw even a small breath._

_Leaning forward, he dragged his muzzle along the line of her jaw before slowly sinking his teeth into the soft, fragrant skin of her neck. The sweet blood flowed over his tongue and down his throat, triggering his bloodlust. His control slipped his bonds then, and he ripped viciously at the muscle and tendon, blood spraying his fur in short, regular spurts._

Remus woke with a gasp and an erection. Groaning low in his chest, he rolled to the side and dry heaved over the edge of the bed.

Sirius opened the bedroom door, glancing around to check the tea tray floating after him. "Moony, wake up! It's half past nine and we're going to be ..." he trailed off and stared at Remus' back, the sound of him retching not registering for a moment. "Remus!" Crawling over the bed, Sirius sidled up to Remus and peered over his shoulder, running his hand along Remus' slick, sweat soaked skin. "What happened?"

"I wanted it," Remus whispered harshly, his voice hoarse from the damage his dry heaves had done to his throat. Rolling over, he grabbed Sirius' hand and pressed it to his groin before throwing his arm over his face, a sob lodged in his throat. "I'm a monster. And I wanted it. She was a fucking _child_ and all I could think of was eating her. Prey. Fuck!" He pounded the bed beside him, eyes stinging as his jaw worked against his fury and distress. 

And still his cock throbbed against his belly.

Sirius stared down at Remus, eyes wide with shock as he tried to make sense of what Remus was trying to tell him. He shook his head frantically and leaned over him, wrapping his fingers around Remus' prick and squeezing. "No," he murmured softly but firmly. "No, it was a dream, that's all."

Gripping Remus' chin with his other hand, Sirius stared down at him and shook his face. "Look at me, you berk. You know the man you truly are, Remus, and that wasn't him in that dream. Look at me!"

Remus forced himself to focus on Sirius though his blood continued to rush through his veins. The concern and love he saw there was enough to make his breath catch. Reaching one shaking hand up, he touched the corner of Sirius' mouth and shook his head.   
"I don't deserve this. You… you're the only thing good about me. If I didn't have you, Sirius—"

"Shut it, you prat!" Sirius growled, rolled his eyes and pressed his mouth hard to Remus', biting at his lips to stop the awful things he knew Remus was going to say. He couldn't hear them again because Remus was good, thoughtful, and sweet, more so than any of the rest of them had been. _He wasn't the bloody monster!_

"Don't talk, don't think... " he murmured as he nibbled down Remus' chin and along his jaw. Sliding his hand along the velvety length of Remus' prick, Sirius squeezed him again, harder this time. "Just feel, Moony," he pleaded softly. "Let go and feel." he sank his teeth hard into the tender skin at Remus' neck, knowing that this time comfort wouldn't do.

Remus cried out and arched into the pain, welcoming it, _needing_ it. "Harder," he whispered. Sliding one hand into Sirius' hair, he clenched his fist and pressed against the back of Sirius' head. His other hand dropped to where Sirius was squeezing his cock to help. To squeeze harder. To make it _hurt_.

He didn't deserve pleasure.

Sirius hissed at the sharp tug on his hair, pulling away to run his teeth along Remus' chest, placing hard sucking kisses to his skin. He knocked Remus' hand away from his prick as he straddled Remus' thighs. "Trying to. Let me do this." Circling his tongue around one dark nipple, he bit down then sucked on the pebbled flesh, worrying the nub between his teeth.

"Harder!" Remus growled, twisting beneath Sirius' teeth, relishing the pain. "Fuck me." He raised his head and looked down his chest to see Sirius staring up at him. "Fuck me. I need you to. Make me forget?" 

He saw something flicker behind Sirius' eyes and for a moment thought that Sirius was going to say no. He knew it was awful, knew it was twisted and grotesque, but he needed to be pummelled and he knew this was the only way Sirius would do it. 

"I _need_ you," he whispered hoarsely.

Sirius stared up at Remus, swallowing as he watched the swirl of emotions dance on Remus' face. He hesitated for just a moment then nodded. "I know you do," he murmured quietly and looked away, tugging Remus' body further down in the bed. His hands shook as he cast the minimal prep spells, and then tossed his wand to the side. Pulling at the buttons on his denims and ripping back the cloth, Sirius shoved them down just below his hips and fisted his prick, stroking roughly for a moment.

Leaning back over Remus, Sirius buried his face in his neck, licking the sweat from his throat up to the soft delicate spot behind his ear. He slid his hand down Remus' side and griped his thigh, hitching Remus' leg up and over on to his back. "Remember I love you," he chided gently then bit Remus' earlobe, thrusting up inside him swiftly.

~*~

Sirius Apparated to the alley in London and looked around for Peter. He drew his cloak about him and shivered in the cold breeze that blew through the arterial, sighing as he looked up at the waxing moon. He wondered if Remus was safe and hoped he'd not be patching him up again in the wee hours after everything was said and done.

He kicked at a tin can and watched it rattle out of his way, shuddering again as he paced. Turning, he started back down the alley, his boots ringing out loudly on the cobbled stones. Merlin, it was bloody cold out tonight and just where was fucking Pettigrew!

Sirius paused and pulled back the sleeve of his jumper, checking the watch James and Lily had given him for Christmas, swearing softly as he squinted to make out the hour on the tiny dial.

He looked up as he heard squeaking then peered down the alley, narrowing his eyes to make out the hidden object. Just in the distance, behind two dented and rusted dustbins, he saw it. Low to the ground and glowing in the hissing gaslights were a pair of shining red eyes.

"Wormtail, get your scrawny arse over here, you're late."

The rat scurried out then the air around the animal wavered, and a short, thin man stood in its place. He smirked at Sirius. "Oi! I don't think you can tell time, Padfoot. I made it just in time."

Sirius shook his head, walking over to Peter and embracing him with a hard slap on the back. "You're a prat, Pete."

Peter snorted as he returned Sirius's embrace then pulled away, twisting his hands together nervously. "And you're an arsehole, Black, but what else is new?"

Sirius chuckled and looked around the alley. He returned his gaze to Peter and searched his face for a moment. "Look, Peter, I need to ask you for a very special favour. Something I can't trust just anyone with." He paused and took a deep breath, glancing around the alley once more to make certain they were alone.

Peter's eyes gleamed and he nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, hey, Padfoot, you know you can trust Wormtail to get the job done for you. What is it?" he asked excitedly, again wringing his hands together.

Sirius pulled a face. "I don't know, Pete. This is really important. Moony's busy and you know Prongs has to do something important for the Order, right?"

"Sirius," Peter whinged, "Come on, mate, I'm ready to do something for the Order as well. Dumbledore never lets me help out proper."

Sirius shook his head. "Oh, now, he does, Peter. Dumbledore just does things in his own way. He'll get you out soon enough. But that's not why I asked you here. This… this is ever so much more important than Order business." He leaned closer to Peter and grinned. "This is strictly Marauder business. Just between you and me. You can't tell a soul."

Peter sucked in a breath, grinning widely and Sirius knew he had him right where he wanted him.

"Peter, I need you to take on James and Lily's Fidelius."

~*~

30, October 1981 

Sirius,

So many things to tell you, and I don't quite know where to begin. However, knowing you as I do, I'd best get to the bits about Harry or James first before you shred this letter looking for them. Merlin, I swear the three of you will be the death of me one day.

Harry and James were out and about the other day, still flying on that broomstick. Let me tell you, not even the nasty weather we've been having does anything to deter them from spending time on it. James had the sprog bundled up and the two of them put on quite the show for Mrs Bagshot. The old dear was quite amused with their antics when she came round for tea.

Harry's toddling around so much now. Into everything, he is and James speaks so proudly about Harry going off to Hogwarts. Reminiscing about his glory days. Rescue me? When are you and Remus coming to visit? Wormy's one of the few that does stop in and it's only for a short while when he does. He's looking most haggard lately. Do you speak with him often? I'm rather worried about him.

James is getting so frustrated and I can't say I blame him. Dumbledore never says anything about the 'gang' anymore and only comes by rarely, promising to return James' cloak soon. It's all very strange and no one seems to know anything. Can't you tell us something, Sirius? Anything? Please?

I know I shouldn't trouble you with my worries but I can't help it. James misses everyone so much and I hate seeing him so miserable. And yes, I miss you and Remus as well. Be careful, Sirius, and take care of yourself and Remus.

Lots of love,

Lily

~*~

_He watched through the concealing screen of shrubbery as the tiny child toddled around the clearing, laughing delightedly at butterflies as it tried to catch them, chubby legs failing occasionally. The child, little more than an infant, was determined—and happy. So very happy._

_Rounded little hands clapped against one another in some game only the child knew the rules of, and gibberish songs paying tribute to the child's mother rang through air to gentle encouragement from the woman herself, who sat a safe distance away on a blanket._

_Crawling backward, he eased the branch of the bush back to its original place, smiling to himself as he awaited the coming night's moon._

_He licked his lips as he pictured again the mop of wild, dark hair on the child's head._

_Tonight he would feast on succulent, tender flesh._

"No... Oh, Gods, no..." Remus fought against the fear and horror of what he knew to be a dream. The small child couldn't be who his conscious told him it was. Still the words were torn from his throat, shattering the nightmare and drawing him out of the illusion of rest. "Harry!" 

Flinging the sheets over Sirius, he straddled him, shaking him roughly awake. "Padfoot! Wake up! Come on, you bloody berk, wake up!"

The hands jerking against his shoulders combined with the frantic tone of Remus' voice jolted Sirius out of a sound sleep. With a gasp, his eyes popped open wide, and for a moment he was completely disoriented.

"Wha-- whazzat? Huh? Remus? What's wrong?" 

Swiping the heel of his hand against his sleep-encrusted eyes, Sirius blinked rapidly, focusing his confused brain.

"Harry!" Remus swallowed and tried to calm down. He bowed his head and rested it against Sirius' chest, listening to the rapid heartbeat for a moment. "Where's James, Sirius? You need to tell me. Please!" 

Sirius stared up at the ceiling blankly, his hand dropping to stroke a soothing line down Remus' back. "I... I don't know. What's wrong? You said Harry. Is something wrong with Harry?"

Remus looked up at Sirius and frowned then shook his head. "Don't do this, Sirius," he whispered softly. "You know what's been happening and what I've been doing for Dumbledore. Don't pretend you're stupid."

Hot anger bloomed through Sirius at Remus' words. He was never at his best in the morning, and waking to accusations simply pushed him immediately to the edge of his temper. Twisting sharply, he rolled out from under Remus, sitting up at the side of the bed. Turning to scowl at Remus, he growled, "Stupid? Fuck you, Moony." Standing, he started for the small bathroom off their bedroom.

Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius and scrambled off the bed after Sirius. He slammed into Sirius' back, hard, knocking him into the wall. " _Fuck you, Moony?_ No, **fuck you, Sirius!** What the hell do you think you're playing at?! I asked you a bloody question and you're damn well going to answer it!"

After impacting with the wall, Sirius turned with fists flying. "I _did_ answer your fucking question!" he said, punching Remus in the mouth and sending him staggering back through the bathroom's door and into the ceramic sink. "I bloody well told you _I don't know_ where James is!" Bringing his fists down to his sides, Sirius attempted to calm himself, especially when he saw the blood slowly dripping down from the corner of Remus' mouth. "Shit, Remus, I'm sor--"

Remus blinked, bringing his hand to his mouth and wiping the blood away. "Sirius... it's nothing. Thanks, mate. Don't know what came over me," he murmured softly. 

Closing his eyes and sucking in a breath, Remus breathed in and out slowly for several minutes before opening his eyes and looking at Sirius again. "It's... Greyback. I saw him. He's... he's going after Harry. You have to tell me where they are. I know you know. You and James have never been apart this long. Not since the summer before our Sixth Year. Please, please, Padfoot..." He bit down hard on his split lip, worrying it with his teeth and clenching his fists at his sides.

"You have to help me do something this time. Please. I-I-I couldn't before. Please, Sirius, please. It's Harry, don't let him end up like me... or, or worse."

Sirius stepped forward, raising his hand hesitantly to brush his thumb across Remus' bottom lip, easing it from between his teeth. "God, Remus, I'd tell you if I could. You know that." Looking into Remus' eyes, he said it again. _"You know that."_

He watched as Remus licked his split lip, and something about the way the blood transferred from his skin to his tongue made Sirius pause for a moment before he allowed his hands to grip either side of Remus' neck. "Look, Moony. _No one knows_ where James and Lily are. Dumbledore says it's to keep them safe. He wouldn't sacrifice that safety by telling anyone where they are, right? Nothing's going to happen. Harry is as safe as he can possibly be."

Leaning his forehead against Remus', he whispered, "It was just a nightmare, Moony. Just a nightmare."

Remus closed his eyes and groaned, rubbing his forehead against Sirius'. "No, Sirius, please. Do something... or tell someone. Frank or, or Alice. What about Arthur? Sirius..." He clenched his fists in Sirius's hair and opened his eyes, looking into Sirius', pleading softly, " _ **please.**_ "

Tilting his head, Sirius pressed a soft kiss to Remus' lips, his nod causing them to brush back and forth. "Yes, love. I'll tell someone." He let his lips drift to Remus' cheek, the slid them down to his ear as his arms came fully around his lover. "I'll warn them, I promise," he whispered. Opening his eyes, he glanced up at the beat up medicine cabinet that hung crookedly on the wall. A thought coalesced in his mind as he stared at it, and though he tried to shake it, he simply couldn't.

Grasping Remus' shoulders, he pushed him back slightly and allowed a half-smile to play around his mouth as he dropped his hands to Remus' waist. "Let's get you a healing potion first, though, okay?"

Shifting to Remus' side, he eased open the door to the cabinet and reached to the second shelf where all the pain potions were kept... as well as their small, precious supply of Dreamless Sleep.

~*~

Sirius sat at the table, flipping through the Prophet, trying to avoid reading the accounts of the attacks. He didn't need to read the trumped up articles, he'd gotten first hand feedback from Remus in the form of screaming nightmares that woke them both from slumber.

He sighed as he reached for his cup of tea, only to find it had gone stone cold. Pulling a face, he tapped it with his wand and warmed the dark sweet brew. Sipping silently, Sirius folded back another page and began reading the Quidditch scores, looking up suddenly as the fire in the hearth flared.

Cocking his ear toward the bedroom, Sirius listened for sounds of Remus stirring. He hoped the potion he'd given the man kept him asleep while he dealt with the interruption, then turned to the hearth to see who was ringing. He sucked in a breath when he saw James' smiling face in the green flames.

Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "Prongs… what are you doing?"

"Long time, no see, you ugly berk," James chuckled. "Get your arse over here and let's have a chat, mate. I've only a few minutes before Lils notices I'm gone and comes looking for me." 

Sirius dropped the paper on the table and scrambled over to the hearth, sticking his head in the flames. "James," he hissed softly. "Why didn't you use the mirror?"

James passed the mirror to Sirius and shook his head. "Can't anymore. There's something about the wards Dumbledore cast. Been trying to use it for three days now and nothing happened, that's why I had to Floo."

Sirius took the mirror and set it on the hearth. "I'd wondered why I hadn't heard from you. How're Harry and Lily?"

James grinned and Sirius could see him puffing up with paternal pride. "Doing well. Harry's walking now. You should see him, Padfoot. Lils chases him all over the place. When are you and Moony coming to visit? Pete stops by damn near all the time."

Sirius bit his lip and looked down at the hearth. "We can't Prongs, you know that," he murmured softly.

"And why not?"

Sirius huffed out a breath. "James..."

"Sirius…" James grinned at him. "Now that we know who both we are, can we get down to the real reasons that you aren't telling me?"

Sirius glared at James and James returned the look for a long moment then grinned at him again. "You can't stay angry at me for long, you know that, right? We're practically siblings. Blood almost, you can tell me anything, you know," he said softly.

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed again, curling his legs under himself and getting more comfortable on the hearth. He smirked at James then chuckled rather menacingly. "Right then. So, let me tell you about how I made Moony howl last night. See, I started out licking his – "

"No! I don't think I want to know that!"

"Oh, why not, James? We had to hear all about Lils and her hours and hours of labour with Harry." Sirius shuddered and stuck his tongue out.

James reached through the fire and pushed Sirius' shoulder. "You're a right arsehole, sometimes." 

Sirius chuckled again and looked at him. "And you're taking a big chance Flooing like this. What the hell do you think you're doing, mate?"

James sighed and looked back over his shoulder at something then turned back to Sirius. "Look, Padfoot, something is going on with the 'gang', I know it is. Wormtail is acting strange. Dumbledore took off with my cloak about a month ago and he's not yet returned it." He paused and took a deep breath. "I hate to bring this up but have you been reading the Prophet? Have you seen the reports of the attacks?"

Sirius stiffened and glanced away. "I've seen them," he murmured softly.

James leaned forward into Sirius' kitchen and looked around for Remus then sat back and met Sirius' eyes. "Pete's making noises about Remus and the werewolves. What's going on, mate?" 

"What about Remus and the werewolves? We've know he's been one since we were just teenagers."

James narrowed his eyes at Sirius. "I need to know if you or Remus can tell me anything about the werewolves or the attacks. Merlin, please, Sirius! This is for Harry's sake. The attacks have all been on children! Lily's going bonkers and hardly lets Harry out of her sight if we go outdoors."

Sirius swallowed hard and shook his head, not actually meeting James' eyes as he looked up at James. "I don't know anything other than what I've read in the papers, Prongs. Remus and I've been busy with 'business.' You're damn lucky you caught me at home."

James frowned as he watched Sirius through the flames. He shook his head and sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do, Sirius. I feel like I'm just stuck here, doing nothing."

Sirius bit his lip and shook his head. "But you're protecting Lils and Harry. That's not nothing."

James snorted. "Right. Hiding here while everyone else is out doing something meaningful, is so brave, so useful." He looked up at Sirius. "You keep telling yourself that, Padfoot, and maybe one day you'll believe it."

"Prongs…"

"Oh, fuck off, Sirius! Don't try and tell me how important this is. I get enough of that shite from Lily and Dumbledore."

Sirius glared at him. "Well, it is, you berk! Look, what a fuck up you are! Coming out of hiding to make polite conversation? Merlin, James, you've got a sprog now and a wife! You can't be doing shite like this!"

James shot a two fingered salute at Sirius. "Don't give me the 'I'm so mature' speech, Black! I know what the bloody hell I'm doing. I can protect my family and it shouldn't fucking involve hiding behind some goddamn charms!"

Sirius nearly recoiled back out of the fire and stared at James in shock. "James… what hell are you on about?"

James sneered at him. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Pete told me all about how quiet you've been at the meetings. How neither you nor Moony have been showing up that often. Bloody hell, Sirius, what did I fucking do to you?" He stopped and ran a hand over his face, then looked back up at Sirius. "If you don't want to visit us then why didn't you just say so, Sirius? I just don't understand. Why?"

Sirius swallowed hard and fumbled around in his mind for something - anything – to say to James. He licked his lips and lied again to his best friend, hoping that one day he'd understand just exactly why it had to be this way. "I want to James, but I can't. Dumbledore said it would be better this way. That's why I sent Pete in my stead." He met James' eyes and continued. "Besides, think about Bellatrix and Regulus, James? You know how they are and with whom they are closest. If they'd ever found out that I possibly had an idea about where you are, you, Lily and Harry would be in trouble." He closed his eyes and shuddered. "I can't do that to you. I care about you all too much for that."

James just stared at Sirius for a long moment then shook his head. "Oh, fuck, Sirius… Padfoot, I'm sorry. Oh, bloody hell, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think about your sodding family."

Sirius shook his head. "Don't, Prongs, 's alright." He looked back over his shoulder then leaned into the fire once again. "Go back to Lils and give her my love. Harry too."

"Right, right… Padfoot… I'm sorry." James said again softly.

"Don't worry about it. Take care of my godson."

James grinned and disappeared in a flash of green. Sirius pulled his head out of the fire then closed his eyes and rested his head on the warm stones of the hearth, his heart pounding with the consequences of his actions.

~*~

Sirius raced across the sky, the roar of the motorbike rumbling in his ears as the wind tore at his robes and a sick sinking feeling settling in his stomach. He couldn't find Moony or Peter anywhere and Dumbledore wasn't answering his Floo. He pointed the bike's handlebars south, rolling back the throttle and leaning forward, the sense of urgency and fear bubbling up inside of him once more and he bit back a scream of fear as he noticed a green haze in distance.

"No…"

Sirius barely noticed the bump as he landed, and never even heard the grinding of gears as he slowed the bike. The stench of the rubber on the blacktop blended in with the dust in the air, clogging his throat and closing off his air supply. He made a choked sounding screech as he stared at the rubble and was barely able to squeeze the brakes, before swinging his leg over the big machine.

"No…" 

The Vincent crashed to the ground and the scent of petrol wafted up to him adding to the surreal quality of this nightmare turned reality. Stumbling towards the wreckage of Godric's Hollow, Sirius gulping in harsh, shuddering breaths, then fell to his knees on the path.

"No!"

An ear-splitting howl somewhere in the distance joined his own and Sirius covered his face with his hands as he realized he let the monster loose on his family months ago. Heartache, betrayal and grief sliced through him and he moaned out loud as tears of rage, loss and sorrow streaked down his face. Digging his fingers into his cheeks, he looked up once more taking in the ruins again then jerked his head again as a small sound floated over to him on the wind. Oh no, surely, it couldn't be. The words of Lily's letter came back to him.

Red eyes glittered at him from the bushes and white noise rushed in Sirius' ears as he realized just exactly who the traitor was. "Wormtail…" he breathed out raggedly and began crawling toward the hedges.

The rat squeaked and darted away. Sirius yelled, scrambling madly after him, a wild look coming over his face. He froze as loud crack hid Peter's escape and looked up at Dumbledore and Hagrid standing over him. 

~fin~


End file.
